Ketchup is God's man juice
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
