If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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