I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
