i wish my penis had a tongue
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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