I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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