garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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