really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
dude. I can hear the air.
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