I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
