I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
