i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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