Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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