she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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