So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
