he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
