I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
