I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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