Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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