i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
