Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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