My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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