I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
