hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
