some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize