i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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