everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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