It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
