He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
