From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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