Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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