32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
