allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
