You're a womanizer and a bitch.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
