im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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