shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
