i already hear my dad disowning me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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