Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize