So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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