in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
