How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
