Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
