It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
