apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
