Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
