she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
