We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
