I just saw a hot homeless man
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
