my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
