Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
