my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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