dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
