I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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