Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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