I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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