I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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