you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
