It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
