Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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