Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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