There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
