Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
