We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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