nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
