We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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