my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
