So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
