I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
