what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
