If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize