he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
