worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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