I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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