Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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