I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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